I'm talking about a genuine hug. Someone running their fingers through your hair, resting a hand on your back or simply holding you close. Physical affection that comes without expectations.
Can you remember?
Because can I tell you something I've noticed after more than six years working with men?
Men are bloody touch starved.
Some are single, divorced or widowed. Others are married, surrounded by family and friends, yet haven't experienced genuine affection in years. They're functioning, working, paying the bills and getting on with life, but something is missing.
And quite often, they can't put their finger on what it is.
WHAT THE HELL IS SKIN HUNGER?
Skin hunger, also known as touch deprivation or touch starvation, is the physical and psychological longing for human touch.
And guys, this isn't some new-age concept. Human touch is an important part of our emotional and physical wellbeing.
Our skin contains specialised sensory nerve fibres, including C-tactile afferents, that respond to certain forms of gentle touch. These signals are processed by the nervous system and contribute to how we experience comfort, affection and connection.
Welcome, caring touch can help reduce stress, support relaxation and influence physiological responses associated with wellbeing. Research has also linked affectionate touch with changes in hormones and neurotransmitters involved in bonding, mood and stress regulation, although those responses aren't identical for everyone.
When meaningful touch is missing for long periods, some people experience loneliness, emotional numbness, anxiety, increased stress or difficulty sleeping. Chronic stress can also affect muscle tension, blood pressure and general health.
Your body doesn't stop responding to touch simply because you've become an adult.
WE'RE MORE CONNECTED THAN EVER. SO WHY ARE WE SO DISCONNECTED?
We can work from home, shop online, order food without speaking to anyone and spend hours scrolling through other people's lives.
We're more digitally connected than ever, yet more socially and physically disconnected than ever before.
In 2023, the US Surgeon General described loneliness and social isolation as a public health epidemic. Research cited in that report compared the increased risk of premature death associated with insufficient social connection to the risk associated with smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
Fifteen bloody cigarettes a day!
Now, that's a comparison of mortality risks associated with poor social connection, not a claim that missing physical touch is biologically equivalent to smoking.
But it makes one thing very clear. Human connection matters to our health...a lot.
And for some men, the absence of physical affection has become so normal they barely recognise it anymore.
Remember being a little kid when someone would run their fingers up your back and you'd nearly bend in half laughing?
Fast-forward forty years. You're working, carrying responsibilities, dealing with stress and perhaps feeling more disconnected from your own body than ever.
You've unknowingly become the man of steel.
The bloke who keeps everything together on the outside while quietly missing something as simple as being held.
WHY I CREATED TOUCH THERAPY.
I've experienced skin hunger myself.
There was a period in my life when I just didn't feel like me. I wasn't necessarily depressed in the way people often imagine depression. I was getting up, working, laughing and doing all the things I was supposed to be doing.
But underneath it all, I felt numb. Not particularly happy. Not particularly sad. Just... nothing much.
And the frustrating part was that I couldn't put my finger on why.
I had my independence, I could look after myself, and I certainly wasn't sitting around waiting for someone to come along and complete my life!
Yet something was missing.
Then, through my studies and continued learning about human behaviour, the nervous system and our need for connection, I came across touch deprivation.
And I remember thinking...
OH MY GOD. THAT'S ME!!!!
I missed touch. A genuine hug. Someone putting their arm around me. Having my back stroked. Feeling another person's warmth without expectations.
I'd become so accustomed to living without those things that I hadn't recognised how much I missed them.
You'd think after years studying human behaviour I'd have worked that one out sooner, wouldn't you?
But that discovery made me look at my professional work differently.
For more than six years, I've listened to men talk about their relationships, loneliness, body image, emotional wellbeing and the things they rarely tell anyone else.
Men who've lost their partners. Men who've spent years living alone. Men in relationships where affection has disappeared. And blokes who are so accustomed to being the provider and looking after everyone else that they've forgotten what it feels like to receive care themselves.
And I thought, bloody hell, why aren't we talking about this?
Through my studies, professional experience and my own understanding of touch deprivation, I knew I wanted to create something specifically for men experiencing it.
And that's how Touch Therapy at VIKTOR came about.
TOUCH THERAPY AT VIKTOR
Touch Therapy is a private, professional session created for men experiencing skin hunger, emotional loneliness, stress or disconnection from their own bodies.
Combining nervous system-focused massage with a variety of caring, non-sexual touch techniques, the session explores different sensations, including warmth, gentle pressure, light stroking and changes in touch and rhythm.
These sensations stimulate sensory pathways in the skin and nervous system, encouraging relaxation, body awareness and pleasurable sensory experiences. Positive touch can also engage the brain's reward and bonding systems, including pathways involving dopamine and oxytocin.
It's an opportunity to experience physical touch for the simple pleasure and comfort of feeling it, without expectation or performance.
Because touch isn't only something we feel on our skin. It's something our brain and nervous system respond to.
Touch Therapy isn't a replacement for relationships or meaningful social connection. It's one way of supporting physical and emotional wellbeing through professional, consent-based touch.
And I know firsthand how difficult it can be to recognise that something as simple as human touch is what you've been missing.