Ask Miss M: “Why am I stuck in my head during sex?”

Ask Miss M: “Why am I stuck in my head during sex?”

Q: Miss M, I keep getting caught up in my head during sex. I’m constantly worrying—am I lasting long enough? Is she enjoying it? What if I can’t finish? Instead of enjoying myself, I feel like I’m overthinking everything. How do I fix this?

Alright, let’s get real. Most men, when it comes to sex, treat it like a safety inspection on a car. I mean literally—they tick off a mental checklist:

“Hmm, probably should please her again—tick. Shit, I hope I stay hard enough—tick. God damn, I hope I don’t cum too quick—tick.”

And then comes the town crier moment: “I’m about to cum!” Finish, say it felt good… and wait a minute, buddy—you didn’t feel any of it. It was all boxes being ticked, like a to-do list. And that, my friend, is why so many men get stuck in their heads.

You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’ve just been taught to perform instead of experience and feel. And here’s the kicker: the more you focus on “doing it right” or getting it done, the less you actually feel it.


Why Men Get Trapped in Their Heads

Performance anxiety – Trying to hit every tick mark instead of enjoying the moment and being present.

External pressure – Social media, porn, friends…all showing impossible “perfect” experiences. You know the ones where he banged her for like 40 minutes straight…yeah, right.

Stress spillover – Work, money, life—they follow you into the bedroom whether you like it or not.

Fear of “not enough” – Many men tie their self-worth and masculinity to performance, not presence.


A Better Way: The 3-Course Meal of Intimacy

Most men treat sex like a sprint through a menu. Let’s slow it down and savor it:

Entree (Foreplay) – Small, quick, but delicious. Set the scene, tease, explore. This is just the starter, and it should make your mouth water for what’s coming next. Foreplay doesn’t have to be five minutes—it can stretch over an hour, starting with flirty morning looks or texts that get both brain and body building.

Main Course (Intercourse) – Big, slow, full of taste. The part you’ve been anticipating. Focus here. Feel. Don’t rush. Like a charcuterie board, there’s so much you can indulge in.

Dessert (Aftercare, Cuddling, Connection) – The sweet finish. Don’t skip it—it’s intimacy, connection, bonding. The part that leaves you both feeling satisfied, wanted, and connected. This is the glue that keeps you together.

When you slow down and stop ticking boxes, you start tasting each course. You feel every sensation. And that’s when sex stops being a chore and starts being an experience.


How to Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

Breathe like your life depends on it. Deep, slow breaths anchor you in your body.

Take your time. Don’t rush the entree or the main course. Notice every sensation, every reaction, every touch. The courses can blend into one another—intimacy isn’t rigid, it’s fluid.

Presence beats performance. Your partner wants you with them, not a checklist robot.

Self-care is intimacy fuel. Grooming, fitness, and feeling good in your skin carry straight into the bedroom. Confidence shows.


The Takeaway

Sex isn’t a performance—it’s a 3-course, scrumptious meal. Stop ticking boxes and start tasting each course. Be present. Slow down. Enjoy it. And remember: looking sharp on the outside is great, but feeling sharp inside—that’s where real confidence, power, and pleasure live.

💬 If your head keeps hijacking your body, I offer private sex therapy consultations—discreet, supportive, and designed to help men get out of their heads and back into their bodies. Book your session and start enjoying sex the way it was meant to be.

Much love,
Miss M

Back to blog

Leave a comment